A Journey Back
Since I was 5 years old and saw two dying kids on the side of the road I India, I have wanted to be a doctor. I have been privileged to see the triumphant smile of a man who recently won a battle with cancer, the squeezing of a woman's hand as she goes into surgery - her face washed with lost hope and desperation, the strained tension in the operating theater of a cardiac surgery, and the hands of a skilled surgeon who would save an individual's life. I have also been witness to mothers who are 80 pounds and 8 months pregnant who are barely surviving, countless victims of physical abuse dying on the streets, and individuals, especially innocent kids, who have been wrecked by the costly and confusing health care system in the US and internationally.
As a result, I worked in labs working on leukemia research for over 5 years, interned at clinics, and shadowed doctors every chance I got. Though I found it incredibly fulfilling to interact with these patients on a daily basis, I found myself always thinking back to what led them to get to the hospital. Especially working in places like India where maternal and infant mortality rates are incredibly high, I wanted to understand where the disparity in health care stemmed from. What was the systemic change that needed to occur in many of these communities to prevent people from having to even come to the hospital? This idea for larger change prompted me to drift away from being a doctor and to start taking more economics classes in the hopes of one day understanding why so many systematic health inequities exist in global communities all around the world. |
This Summer
I went into this summer more confused than ever. I thought taking more business and public health classes would give me the clarity I craved for my future. Towards the end of the year, I started reading Option B by Sheryl Sandberg. In the book, she talks about grounded hope-the understanding that if you take action you can make things better. I knew I wanted to make things better but I had no idea what action to take or what to do with the hundreds of abstract ideas in my head. After a year of textbooks and desk jobs, I felt isolated from the communities around me and had no idea how to use the education I had received over the last few years in any tangible way. This feeling of being lost translated into my hesitancy for the summer and what to expect of it.
Having our first interview in the field was the first time I encountered the feeling of purpose I had been chasing since abandoning being a doctor as a profession. Hearing the stories that came from mothers and community health workers was devastating as they talked about health norms that I never knew existed. That devastation was followed by a sense of responsibility and purpose, I would never be able to correct the norms that have existed in these communities but working to strengthen a company that is actively changing the maternal health norms using my privilege and education gave me a way forward. All the work we were doing for CareNX was fueled by the conversation and openness of the community, they had no reason to trust us or even answer our questions but they showed up and were honest, something that I was struggling to do at the end of my junior year.
While I was in India, I was reading a book called Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. Brown talks about “The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time.” With each conversation, I became a little more confident in myself, and a little more confident in my purpose. Showing up at each interview and letting myself be vulnerable to every emotion that this summer tossed at me started to give me the clarity of what brings me most joy. There was so much desolation this summer when hearing about what some of the mothers in rural India have been through and the fact that I cannot take away those negative experiences from them. There was desolation in the reality that there was no short-term fix for the unjust health norms that plagued these communities. There was desolation in the fact that I was going to be leaving India soon to go back to my privileged life in the US. But most importantly, there was consolation in my discovery that working hand in hand with these communities, through social entrepreneurship as a career could help lead do eliminating all the desolation I felt.
Having our first interview in the field was the first time I encountered the feeling of purpose I had been chasing since abandoning being a doctor as a profession. Hearing the stories that came from mothers and community health workers was devastating as they talked about health norms that I never knew existed. That devastation was followed by a sense of responsibility and purpose, I would never be able to correct the norms that have existed in these communities but working to strengthen a company that is actively changing the maternal health norms using my privilege and education gave me a way forward. All the work we were doing for CareNX was fueled by the conversation and openness of the community, they had no reason to trust us or even answer our questions but they showed up and were honest, something that I was struggling to do at the end of my junior year.
While I was in India, I was reading a book called Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. Brown talks about “The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time.” With each conversation, I became a little more confident in myself, and a little more confident in my purpose. Showing up at each interview and letting myself be vulnerable to every emotion that this summer tossed at me started to give me the clarity of what brings me most joy. There was so much desolation this summer when hearing about what some of the mothers in rural India have been through and the fact that I cannot take away those negative experiences from them. There was desolation in the reality that there was no short-term fix for the unjust health norms that plagued these communities. There was desolation in the fact that I was going to be leaving India soon to go back to my privileged life in the US. But most importantly, there was consolation in my discovery that working hand in hand with these communities, through social entrepreneurship as a career could help lead do eliminating all the desolation I felt.
The Future
For the longest time I was unsure of my decision to eliminate doctor from my career path. It was all I wanted for the last 20 years and I knew exactly what I needed to do to get there. The path was laid out to me: though it would be challenging, it was straight forward and I knew what to expect. Abandoning doctor meant that the straightforward path that I had gotten used to was gone and my future was ambiguous. Coming out of this summer, I finally felt at peace with the decision to let go of medicine as I discovered a new passion that helps create sustainable health norms in communities all over the world. Moving forward, my passion is health. I want to bring health care to those who are at the margins of society and do not have the resources to get it themselves. I want to work with social enterprises all over the world by making their business models more sustainable so they can maximize social impact for the communities that need it the most.This summer in India gave me a glimpse of the macro level change in communities that is possible through social enterprises.
I have no idea what the future hold in store for me but through all the opportunities that the Miller Center has provided me, I have a confidence in myself and my vocation that I have never had before. I am excited to explore the endless possibilities that have opened up to me as I let myself be vulnerable this summer.
To Thane and Keith, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for instilling in me the confidence I have in myself and my future. I am not the same person I was 9 months ago and I owe you guys everything.